Report to the People
19th July 2004

Lice to See You, to See You Lice

Los Angeles, controversial US comic Bill Hicks once commented, is the home of the “pedestrian right of way law.”

What this means is that, if you’re in your car and a pedestrian crosses the road ahead of you, you are legally required to slow down or stop to let them cross (as opposed, presumably, to speeding up and running them over).

“Only in LA,” Hicks observed, “does common courtesy have to be legislated.”

Now, a decade after his untimely, if not wholly surprising, death, some Scottish politicians are arguing that it’s for the government to enforce, not common courtesy, but common sense.

Although health bosses contest the claim, it is being alleged that head lice has become “rife” in certain areas.  This, apparently, is all the government’s fault because schools don’t send out warning letters to parents about head lice cases.

Eh?  Are you sure?  Have you ever heard a parent say, “Well I was going to check my children for creepy crawlies, but I haven’t had a letter form the council telling me to do it, so I’m not going to bother.”?

If we are living in a society where the government needs to tell parents to check their children's heads for lice – and then explain to them how to do it – we might as well give up and get on the first plane out.

Happily (or sadly, depending on your point of view), I’m not heading for the airport just yet.  I don’t believe for a minute that the public are so ignorant, or so casual with their children’s wellbeing: my mother didn’t need a government pamphlet to tell her to chase me round the house with the dreaded bone comb on bath night.

If anyone does want more detailed information on how to treat head lice, they can visit their pharmacist.  Or, for the enthusiast, the Scottish Executive’s guidance is available chapter and verse either online at http://www.scotland.gov.uk/consultations/health/mhlc-00.asp, or from my office (791820).

At a time when it is argued, perhaps with some justification, that the state already interferes and patronises too much, trying to make the government responsible for another area of home life is not what we need.

The government has a responsibility to govern – and it should get on with it.  It’s the teachers’ and schools’ responsibility to give our kids an education – and they should be allowed to get on with that.  And parents should be trusted to get on with discharging their most important responsibility – looking after their children.

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