Report to the People
25th August 2003

No Laughing Matter

No matter how hard some of its practitioners inadvertently try to prove otherwise, politics is rarely a barrel of laughs.

Whether trying to help an individual constituent, or making representations on a community issue, or arguing about matters which face the whole country, all too often the raw materials of a politician’s working day are problems and strife.

So I should have known better than to allow myself a moment of levity last year when the Scottish Parliament came to debate the fascinatingly entitled “Seagulls (Nuisance to Communities)” private member’s motion tabled by South of Scotland Tory, David Mundell.

He solemnly recounted harrowing tales of the terror to which his brave constituents were subject by the feathered fiends.  Children were having their Happy Meals snatched from their grasp by gluttonous gulls, the town centre was covered in their droppings (the gulls’, that is, not the children’s), and householders were plagued by the infernal din caused by the birds roosting on their roofs.

For MSPs who had spent the day debating, if memory serves, some fairly serious issues around housing and community safety, this debate did, I’m afraid, serve as some light relief.  Was this really, some wondered, the most serious issue facing Mr Mundell’s community?  (And if so, when can we move there?)

On reflection, however, dismissing this debate was hasty.  Seagulls are becoming a real menace for too many people.

In places like Greenock, of course, we have always lived with gulls.  But now, the ready supply of fast food in towns encourages them to nest deeper and deeper in urban areas.  And, when they are looking after their young in urban nests, their perfectly understandable protective instinct causes far more problems than splattering your car within ten minutes of you washing it.

It leads, in fact, to the sort of extremely aggressive behaviour which has forced postmen in parts of Ayrshire who want to complete their round in safety to don hardhats and brandish sticks.  It has even led to the tragic death of one elderly gentleman who suffered an attack in his garden.

Where, then, do we go from here?

Gulls can be culled if there are genuine issues of public health and safety, but experts say that the best solution is to cut off their food supply.  And that means controlling litter.  While Councils should have proper waste management policies in place to do this, we can all help by disposing of food properly.  After all, isn’t finding a bin for your half-eaten fish supper a small price to pay for safer, cleaner streets?

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